Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
