meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
