Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
