JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
