You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
