she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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