Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
