first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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