can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
did i walk over a car last night?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
