3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
