Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
