More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
