If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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