I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
