If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
