every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
my penis made a compromise with my morals
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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