I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
