and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
