I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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