Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
two words...techno handjob
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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