I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
