I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize