shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
