So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
