I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
