Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
