take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i would punch a child for taco bell
so let's talk penis.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
