I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
