I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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