how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
