Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
