Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
