I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
