Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I deserve this hangover.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
