can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
