i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
