you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
