Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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