I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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