this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
