Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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