I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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