hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
