Everything about him screamed your future.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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