don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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