Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
