I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
