Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
