The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
