Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
