I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
