my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
