Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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