We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there's paper in my vomit.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...