I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dating After Heartbreak
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick