chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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