3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
