You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
