Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
