so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I will pee on everything he values.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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