Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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