why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The cops high fived after they tackled you
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
