so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
