I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
