2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
