rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
3pm strippers are depressing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
