At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
