what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
