Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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