I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
